I accomplished what I set out to do: I finished my novel. YAY ME!
Truly, I’m thrilled. On so many levels. There were several times I considered walking away, considered I was totally wasting my time, considered I wasn’t any good. I’ll say right now with full gumption, that it’s been a long time since I have been so proud of myself. I’m almost giddy. Even if it sucks–I love that I wrote it, love that I had the courage to finish it and love that I put myself out there.
I am so relieved to say and so I have to say it out loud, “I’M DONE!” Ok. I realize that once I’m brave enough to send it off for editing, I’ll be on pins and needles, likely vomiting from anxiety. And yes, I realize to that I will likely, no, I will most definitely, have a lot to fix and scrap. I also know that the story itself might suck.
BUT…! In spite of all of theses factors, I am thrilled that I completed what I started. An 80,000 word novel. A novel that, regardless of where it goes, or the response it receives, I am proud of.
What was many times a hair pulling, pacing and screaming affair, has in the end, been completely worth every doubt I had about whether to keep going or walk away. In the end, I was too ingrained to leave it.
So now, I have begun #2 in the series and will allow #1 to sit tucked away unseen and untouched to stew before facing judgement day. Then I shall bow it down to the editors feet and allow the fear and loathing phase to commence;)